The One-Eyed Crow & Why I Love My Man
How are you doing?
Last Sunday, my Beloved and I were heading out for a few hours. I quickly fed the birds before we left. There is something very satisfying about feeding Birds. They are always hungry... They are always grateful.
We do it everywhere we go, especially when on holiday. Not sure how this happens but wherever we are we find Crows and Jackdaws. My favourite sound is of Crows and Jackdaws chattering away in the tree tops. Opposite our home are huge, ancient Beech Trees which are a kind of Day Light Community Centre for hundreds of Crows and Jackdaws to hang out till bed time (that is another story).
I often hear one Crow chatter and suddenly 80 others join in excitedly as if the first one cracked a joke and the rest started laughing hysterically. Maybe there is a Joker Crow in every Crow community?
They are such characters and I love how they will eat directly from my hands - especially the St Andrews Sea Front Mob. They are hilarious, cheeky characters.
So Sunday morning, our front garden was no different. Within moments 40+ Jackdaws and Crows descended in our garden along with some Sparrows and Starlings all followed closely by their hungry, bleating babies. Have you ever noticed how fluffy a baby Sparrow is? Like fluff balls with beak and legs. Yesterday a baby Sparrow stood below our weeping birch tree whilst Mummy hunted and gathered. A gust of wind blew from behind the baby and all its fluffy-ness blew forward and up. The baby Sparrow looked down as if in amazement at what just happened to its feathers making me smile. It looked at his Mum as if to say, 'did you just see that?'
I would never wish to be a Mummy Starling. All that persistent bleating and demanding by at least three endlessly starving, noisy babies, chasing around after her wanting more and more and more.... phew.... those poor Mummy Starlings.
Back to Sunday... once the bird food was scattered we jumped in our car, Beloved driving. As he reversed along the front I spotted a Crow standing on the wall alone, not joining in with feed time. I put my window down and softly said 'Hello You,' to the Crow. It turned to look directly at me. My stomach plunged downwards and a great big hole opened up in my centre. 'oh no,' was all I could whisper. A lump formed in my throat and my eyes filled with tears. The Crow had a horrific wound where his right eye should have been.
I couldn't speak for a moment. I tried to breathe a few deep breaths and then my Beloved noticed I was silently upset. Poor man, I imagine his stomach sunk at that moment too :)) I can just imagine him thinking, 'oh no... did I say something wrong? What on earth has happened in the last 7 seconds?'
Quickly and tearfully I explained the Crow's bloody, gaping wound and how he was sitting alone on the wall, apart from his community.
Empathy and Imagination can be wonderful - and equally, in these situations, Vicarious Imagination... Not So Wonderful and very traumatic. I can't recall exactly the words I said whilst tears rolled down my cheeks and my mind filled with images, but it went something like this...
'Oh my goodness, life must be so hard for sick birds.... no A & E to fly to.' and then being an empathic and sensitive Soul that I am, things took a real nose dive at this point....
"can you imagine how horrendous that must have been for that poor Crow to experience that injury, the pain he must have felt?" (more rolling tears) "and where on earth would he get help and love when that happened to him?" I demanded. It must be so sore, it looks so recent, it's all bloody and wet...." (Me and My Imagination really is my own worst enemy...)
The images in my Mind were much more vivid than my thoughts about how he may have received that injury. I imagined him stumbling back home to his nest. Did he have a Beloved there waiting for him to listen to what had happened, (as far as I am aware Crows and Jackdaws pair up in relationship in their Teens and stay together till The End). They probably don't have a medicine cupboard in their nest where they can go and get soothing ointments and bandages or painkillers.
Clearly my imagination can be very problematic for me.
I was really crying now about the one eyed Crow. I imagined him sitting very still and quietly in his nest, trying to recover... and manage the pain, his concerned partner snuggling up close to comfort but feeling helpless.
My stress levels must have been really high by now, all this emotional upset... not to mention my burning, flushing cheeks.
My poor Beloved driving the car wondering if my plunged mood would affect our entire Sunday, grappling around in the depths of his mind searching for something helpful and soothing to say to me. He was a policeman, a big rough and tough guy with a great big heart who had to and could, deal with all sorts of awfulness.
Suddenly, I felt his big, warm hand on my arm and he tenderly got hold of my hand in his. Just that was soothing and brought me out of my sad, tearful place momentarily.
I wiped my tears away and looked at him and he said, with great sincerity, "Kas, there is bound to be a Crow Hospital around here somewhere."
Magically my heart lifted, my tears stopped and I smiled again. My Inner Child felt suddenly better, happier, relieved.
Hope you have a lovely day,